Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Good Read!
It's always so great when you find something unexpected. Take for example my experience today: I went to this little run down bookstore in our town (that was greatly overpriced, mind you...) and found a fantastic book that is just so great! It's called "How Can I Find God?" and its a collection of short essays edited by James Martin, and there are so many great little tidbits to be found in this collection. Check it out!!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Just some jotting..
Looking at my face today, and looking back at the boy I once was, you would have no idea that the two entirely different people were actually one in the same. The boy I once was - still am, lives on to an extent right behind the blue eyes you can see before you right now. The blue eyes that have seen more than their fair share of pain, suffering, and sacrifice, and yet remain continuously wide eyed and optimistic for all that the future could hold and more. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, could it be then that my windows have remained shuttered for too long? With the true person hiding inside from The One who knows all of my secrets, all my pain, and all my hopes... Why do I constantly hide from The Truth? Perhaps because I have lived the lie for so long, that the lie has become me, and has ultimately become my reality. Reality... Where are you? I seek for you in theory and yet shy away from you in practice, instead settling for my facade of success built upon dreams that have become nothing more than cornerstones for my fortress of a mind. A fortress that not even I could maneuver.
After all, what more is a fortress than a grandiose facade? Especially one built by an army of one, attempting to combat all of humanity with weapons of laughter and happiness while suffering and true anguish abound on the other side of those grandiose walls. Walls of stone, yet thin as paper... gone in a blink, at the slightest touch of any rogue element: wind, fire or water. Leaving nothing in their wake but the dust circles of what once were. The shadows of the dreams that once were, that are, and that are yet to be... scattered in the dust.
Thankfully, the power of dreams lies not. That is, something as powerful as a dream is not something that can be easily destroyed; and yet one of the easiest ways to destroy a dream is by being an inattentive dreamer. Listening not to The Voice of Truth that lives within and all around us, and instead lending an ear to the foul words of bad men. This being one of the best and most cruel ways of murdering a fledgling dream. You are as much as you dream, and even more so as much as you build off of those dreams into reality; and by allowing someone to murder your dreams, you are essentially allowing them to murder a part of your soul.
After all, what more is a fortress than a grandiose facade? Especially one built by an army of one, attempting to combat all of humanity with weapons of laughter and happiness while suffering and true anguish abound on the other side of those grandiose walls. Walls of stone, yet thin as paper... gone in a blink, at the slightest touch of any rogue element: wind, fire or water. Leaving nothing in their wake but the dust circles of what once were. The shadows of the dreams that once were, that are, and that are yet to be... scattered in the dust.
Thankfully, the power of dreams lies not. That is, something as powerful as a dream is not something that can be easily destroyed; and yet one of the easiest ways to destroy a dream is by being an inattentive dreamer. Listening not to The Voice of Truth that lives within and all around us, and instead lending an ear to the foul words of bad men. This being one of the best and most cruel ways of murdering a fledgling dream. You are as much as you dream, and even more so as much as you build off of those dreams into reality; and by allowing someone to murder your dreams, you are essentially allowing them to murder a part of your soul.
It's been a while...
It's been a while since I've been on my blog, mainly because I couldn't bear to know the truth that I had backslid on my promise once more... You know, its so easy in the moment to just say "I give it all up to you, God. I will follow you and constantly do good work", and yet when it comes time to make the choices that really matter, I suck. Straight up, I suck. I let God down, I let everyone who believes in me down, and whats even worse is that I start to let myself down. And its in those moments when I suck thatI have to take a second and realize that my God is a God who loves me through the sucky times when all I do is fail. He always stands by me, and when it feels like He is nowhere to be found, chances are He is carrying me each and every step of the way. My best friend, my companion, my Father, and my mentor. Loving me each and every day, and never once doing me wrong. I cannot wait for the day I can go running into His arms and just laying down all the burdens of this life... That is a day worth living for!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
An Introduction...
I guess I should have started my posting with a little introduction (I am fairly new at blogging!)
My name is Scott Brown, and I currently a Student at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, and I created this blog as sort of an online journal. I know sometimes my grammar may be a little funky, and some things may not make sense to everyone, but each and every post is based on my own life experiences and thoughts on things, and my prayer is simply that someone may be able to benefit from my past experiences and forge a closer relationship with God as a result. My relationship with God is in no way perfect, and I don't want anyone to assume that I have it all figured out, because I most certainly do not. However, if just one person benefits from my experiences and is able to avoid all of the crap that I went through, then it will have all been worth it!
My name is Scott Brown, and I currently a Student at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, and I created this blog as sort of an online journal. I know sometimes my grammar may be a little funky, and some things may not make sense to everyone, but each and every post is based on my own life experiences and thoughts on things, and my prayer is simply that someone may be able to benefit from my past experiences and forge a closer relationship with God as a result. My relationship with God is in no way perfect, and I don't want anyone to assume that I have it all figured out, because I most certainly do not. However, if just one person benefits from my experiences and is able to avoid all of the crap that I went through, then it will have all been worth it!
Awesome Nugget of Wisdom
I feel like this is going to be a pretty important tool in my Christian toolbox for the next few years...
"Everything is permissible for me" - but not everything is beneficial.
"Everything is permissible for me" - but I will not be mastered by anything.
-1 Corinthians 6:12
"Everything is permissible for me" - but not everything is beneficial.
"Everything is permissible for me" - but I will not be mastered by anything.
-1 Corinthians 6:12
My Declaration of Independence
Today I decided to sign my own version of the Declaration of Independence... My Declaration of Independence from sin, and basically all of the things that I don't want to have in my life. I know it sounds a little tacky, but I am so done with living such a worldly fake life, and honestly, I miss my relationship with God more than anything else.
For a long time I was blaming God for all of the problems in my life, while blatantly ignoring the path that He was laying out for me each and every day; and now that I have finally rediscovered my first love, it makes me so ticked off at 'old Scott' for all of the wasted time and blessings that I missed out on from being incorrigible... And even through all of the crap that was going on in my life (as a result of my OWN doing...), God was always there... ALWAYS... and you know, I honestly cannot think of a single instance where I was truly alone, because no matter how "alone" I felt, I always knew in the back of my mind that God was there for me, and He was just waiting for me to run myself out of breath and fall back into His arms again, and it used to make me SO mad that he would never leave me alone through everything!
It seemed that at times I just didn't feel like I deserved God's love, and having to live with the knowledge that what I was doing was breaking His heart even though it was what I wanted to do just killed me on the inside (Even though I never showed it...). It seems that a lot of the time in our lives when we say we are mad at God for all the bad things that He allows to happen in the world, we are truly mad at the fact that no matter what we or others do that is wrong, God will always be there ready to forgive, and the fact that I was never able to be alone was more irritating to me during my rebellious years than ANYTHING else... I was such a child about it all, and I'm so sorry God...
Nevertheless, I am back and I'm ready to trust God again with everything again, because I can't do anything truly on my own, and I am so done trying because I am so tired... I guess my prayer tonight is as follows:
"Lord God, I am so sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I said and did that was against everything that you stand for, and I am sorry if I ever did or said anything during my rebellious time that was detrimental to the faith of someone else, and I pray that if that was the case, that you soften their hearts once more, Lord God, and give them the opportunity to find peace in your Love. I left you so that I could chase after things that didn't matter, and I made decisions in my life that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, but I know that as a result of these bad choices, I will know better next time, and through your Love I will be able to overcome the tough situations that I am now in as a result... I know its not going to be an easy transition, and I know I may lose friends and people I love over choosing to put you first in my life and endowing you with the steering wheel of my life, but I know that in the end, the result is going to be so worth it someday just to be able to rest in your arms, and it's so nice to have the insurance of God in my life, instead of the false assurance of man. Thank you, Lord God, for every opportunity and blessing that is present in my life, and I pray that you open the hearts of others to hear your voice as you have done mine... In your name I pray, Amen."
For a long time I was blaming God for all of the problems in my life, while blatantly ignoring the path that He was laying out for me each and every day; and now that I have finally rediscovered my first love, it makes me so ticked off at 'old Scott' for all of the wasted time and blessings that I missed out on from being incorrigible... And even through all of the crap that was going on in my life (as a result of my OWN doing...), God was always there... ALWAYS... and you know, I honestly cannot think of a single instance where I was truly alone, because no matter how "alone" I felt, I always knew in the back of my mind that God was there for me, and He was just waiting for me to run myself out of breath and fall back into His arms again, and it used to make me SO mad that he would never leave me alone through everything!
It seemed that at times I just didn't feel like I deserved God's love, and having to live with the knowledge that what I was doing was breaking His heart even though it was what I wanted to do just killed me on the inside (Even though I never showed it...). It seems that a lot of the time in our lives when we say we are mad at God for all the bad things that He allows to happen in the world, we are truly mad at the fact that no matter what we or others do that is wrong, God will always be there ready to forgive, and the fact that I was never able to be alone was more irritating to me during my rebellious years than ANYTHING else... I was such a child about it all, and I'm so sorry God...
Nevertheless, I am back and I'm ready to trust God again with everything again, because I can't do anything truly on my own, and I am so done trying because I am so tired... I guess my prayer tonight is as follows:
"Lord God, I am so sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I said and did that was against everything that you stand for, and I am sorry if I ever did or said anything during my rebellious time that was detrimental to the faith of someone else, and I pray that if that was the case, that you soften their hearts once more, Lord God, and give them the opportunity to find peace in your Love. I left you so that I could chase after things that didn't matter, and I made decisions in my life that I will have to live with for the rest of my life, but I know that as a result of these bad choices, I will know better next time, and through your Love I will be able to overcome the tough situations that I am now in as a result... I know its not going to be an easy transition, and I know I may lose friends and people I love over choosing to put you first in my life and endowing you with the steering wheel of my life, but I know that in the end, the result is going to be so worth it someday just to be able to rest in your arms, and it's so nice to have the insurance of God in my life, instead of the false assurance of man. Thank you, Lord God, for every opportunity and blessing that is present in my life, and I pray that you open the hearts of others to hear your voice as you have done mine... In your name I pray, Amen."
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